For some time I have been wanting to change jobs, do something different, something more "meaningful". I had eagerly followed one trail, but finally it lead nowhere. That left me somewhat subdued... What now?
Then I realized that there are some changes I can do in the very situation I'm in. It's not about getting another job. It's about how I do the job I have! It's about how I live my everyday life.
I know in what direction I want to go. I have a very clear picture of that. It's just that some kind of ... laziness?... hinders me from really walking that path. Because walking that path requires discipline and full concentration.
So standing at the end of that lost trail I understood the lesson: I don't need to change anything in my life situation, I need to change how I live. And I know what to do: take a leap!
I will double my concentration, and double my efforts. With all my energy I will sort out unnecessary things and actions, actively diminish time wasted carelessly. I will concentrate on living each moment in full awareness.
Thank you Life, for showing me. Now it's up to me to leap!
24 Nov 2012
18 Nov 2012
Wake Up To Gratitude
My colleague S came to lend me a book. "Since you're so interested in Colombia, you might find it worthwhile to read. Once I started, I couldn't stop reading it", she said. It was "Même le silence a un fin", where Ingrid Betancourt tells the story about her being kidnapped and held as a hostage by the FARC guerilla in Colombia during 6 long years.
My spontaneous reaction was "No, thank you" - I wasn't sure I was up to such a cruel story, to so much suffering. But I didn't want to be impolite, so I took the book and started reading. She was right: once you picked it up, you couldn't put it away, despite the horrifying story.
I almost think I needed that book: every now and then I have to be shaken up a bit, forced out of my comfort zone. If not for any other reason, then at least to realize what a fantastic life I live, how extremely lucky I am to be safe, healthy - and free.
I am so filled with gratitude. Thank you, Life, for letting me to exist under such good circumstances. I want to show my gratitude by living this life in a caring and generous way and by not holding anything back.
My spontaneous reaction was "No, thank you" - I wasn't sure I was up to such a cruel story, to so much suffering. But I didn't want to be impolite, so I took the book and started reading. She was right: once you picked it up, you couldn't put it away, despite the horrifying story.
I almost think I needed that book: every now and then I have to be shaken up a bit, forced out of my comfort zone. If not for any other reason, then at least to realize what a fantastic life I live, how extremely lucky I am to be safe, healthy - and free.
I am so filled with gratitude. Thank you, Life, for letting me to exist under such good circumstances. I want to show my gratitude by living this life in a caring and generous way and by not holding anything back.
10 Nov 2012
Goodbye
We knew that Grandmother would soon leave us. At ninety three she had caught pneumonia, her body did not respond to the antibiotics and she had stopped eating. She had decided to go.
By "coincidence" I got the chance to see her on Monday. She slept the whole time, I just sat by her side, holding her hand and gently patted her cheek and softly talked to her. At one point she woke up and was happy to see me. She seemed at peace.
Friday night a very caring lady from the old people's home called and told me Anna had quietly passed away. Luckily I was with my oldest daughter when the message came; so good for both of us.
Anna was a wonderful person with a very big and warm heart, and she leaves such a void among us, her small family, but also among all the countless people she helped and served during her long career as a doctor.
We all miss you very much, Anna, but I agree with my daughter: "if there's a paradise, that's where Anna is now". And we are happy for your sake.
By "coincidence" I got the chance to see her on Monday. She slept the whole time, I just sat by her side, holding her hand and gently patted her cheek and softly talked to her. At one point she woke up and was happy to see me. She seemed at peace.
Friday night a very caring lady from the old people's home called and told me Anna had quietly passed away. Luckily I was with my oldest daughter when the message came; so good for both of us.
Anna was a wonderful person with a very big and warm heart, and she leaves such a void among us, her small family, but also among all the countless people she helped and served during her long career as a doctor.
We all miss you very much, Anna, but I agree with my daughter: "if there's a paradise, that's where Anna is now". And we are happy for your sake.
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| With Tenderness and Light |
3 Nov 2012
Yesteray's Quote
In a beautiful little book by Thich Nhat Hanh (Buddhist monk, peace activist, and poet) I read inspiring quotes at breakfast.
Yesterday's quote just needs to be passed on. It's called The Best Moment of Your Life.
"If someone were to ask us "Has the Best moment of your life arrived yet?" we may say that it will come very soon. But if we continue to live in the same wait may never arrive. We have to transform this moment into the most wonderful moment, and we can do that by stopping - stopping running to the future, stopping worrying about the past, stopping accumulating so much. You are a free person, you are alive. Open your eyes and enjoy the sunshine, the beautiful sky, and the wonderful children all around you. Breathing in and out consciously helps you become your best - calm, fresh solid, clear, and free, able to enjoy the present moment and the best moment of your life."
In the train to work I tried to convey this feeling to all the sleepy fellow travelers, half-reading free newspapers. And even if I did not succeed in doing that, I myself felt very calm, fresh, solid, clear, and free.
Yesterday's quote just needs to be passed on. It's called The Best Moment of Your Life.
"If someone were to ask us "Has the Best moment of your life arrived yet?" we may say that it will come very soon. But if we continue to live in the same wait may never arrive. We have to transform this moment into the most wonderful moment, and we can do that by stopping - stopping running to the future, stopping worrying about the past, stopping accumulating so much. You are a free person, you are alive. Open your eyes and enjoy the sunshine, the beautiful sky, and the wonderful children all around you. Breathing in and out consciously helps you become your best - calm, fresh solid, clear, and free, able to enjoy the present moment and the best moment of your life."
In the train to work I tried to convey this feeling to all the sleepy fellow travelers, half-reading free newspapers. And even if I did not succeed in doing that, I myself felt very calm, fresh, solid, clear, and free.
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| Wonderful Source of Inspiration |
27 Oct 2012
Responsible for My Time
A friend read an inspiring book about getting in command of your own time. The author had deleted the expression "I don't have time" from his vocabulary. He's so right! When we say that we really mean "I don't feel like it" or "I have other preferences". Of course you have time, you just have to take responsibility over how to use it.
This inspired me to make a list of the things I really want to spend my time on. There are categories like Keep in Touch, Enjoy Nature, My Body & My Soul, Kitchen Pleasures, Creativity, and Inspiration. A very helpful exercise: I immediately saw where I need to invest more of my precious time to be satisfied with life. So today I spent a fair amount of time with Kitchen Pleasures: baking bread, making a fantastic mushroom soup and roasting butternut pumpkin in the oven :-)
Another list to do is one of the Time Eaters, in order to see them clearly and diminish their effect. Thinks like: internet, shopping, zapping in front of the TV... Doing them is OK, but consciously, and for the amount of time I myrself decide.
I want to take full responsibility over my time. I don't want to throw time away, but instead make a conscious choice on how to use each moment of the precious time I have left.
This inspired me to make a list of the things I really want to spend my time on. There are categories like Keep in Touch, Enjoy Nature, My Body & My Soul, Kitchen Pleasures, Creativity, and Inspiration. A very helpful exercise: I immediately saw where I need to invest more of my precious time to be satisfied with life. So today I spent a fair amount of time with Kitchen Pleasures: baking bread, making a fantastic mushroom soup and roasting butternut pumpkin in the oven :-)
Another list to do is one of the Time Eaters, in order to see them clearly and diminish their effect. Thinks like: internet, shopping, zapping in front of the TV... Doing them is OK, but consciously, and for the amount of time I myrself decide.
I want to take full responsibility over my time. I don't want to throw time away, but instead make a conscious choice on how to use each moment of the precious time I have left.
19 Oct 2012
A True Role Model
With an opulent yellow hibiscus flower (still from my balcony!) I went to the old people's home to visit my friend Mr. Laubi. When I arrived at his room, there was another name on the door...
So Mr. Laubi has left us. For himself, I can only feel relief, his last weeks must have been very difficult. He suffered from an awful sickness called ALS, a progressing muscle atrophy.
Almost a year ago, when I got to know him, he was already in a wheelchair and needed help with eating and smoking his beloved after dinner cigar, and I have followed his deterioration.
Still, every time I visited him, he had a smile on his face, even the last time when he could only lie down and his speech was no longer understandable.
Yet, even with such a cruel illness, Mr. Laubi was always ready for a joke - and always grateful for the little things he still could do or enjoy. What an amazing man! A true role model.
So Mr. Laubi has left us. For himself, I can only feel relief, his last weeks must have been very difficult. He suffered from an awful sickness called ALS, a progressing muscle atrophy.
Almost a year ago, when I got to know him, he was already in a wheelchair and needed help with eating and smoking his beloved after dinner cigar, and I have followed his deterioration.
Still, every time I visited him, he had a smile on his face, even the last time when he could only lie down and his speech was no longer understandable.
Yet, even with such a cruel illness, Mr. Laubi was always ready for a joke - and always grateful for the little things he still could do or enjoy. What an amazing man! A true role model.
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| Like the one for Mr. Laubi |
14 Oct 2012
My Me Day
In the spiritual tradition that I follow one of the causes for unhappiness is the exaggerated emphasis on "me", the ego. To me this seems very valid, so I always try to let go of the "I", the "me", and the "mine" - or as Tara Brach put it, "undo the personhood". I can really see and feel how complicated and difficult life gets when one is constantly having one's own navel as the center of the universe.
However, once a year I completely indulge in celebrating myself - on my birthday!
I make a special breakfast, dust of the special birthday cup (a family treasure), enjoy opening cards and presents and then start into even a working day with a Very Happy Feeling. Congratulations from my colleagues, text messages from family and friends along the day make me really happy, and in the evening I'm out for an extra nice birthday dinner with a friend (thank you Sofia!).
Why do I do this? Well, one day filled with the happy side of *being me* is lovely, and it lasts for a long time (even though perhaps not for a whole year ;-)
However, once a year I completely indulge in celebrating myself - on my birthday!
I make a special breakfast, dust of the special birthday cup (a family treasure), enjoy opening cards and presents and then start into even a working day with a Very Happy Feeling. Congratulations from my colleagues, text messages from family and friends along the day make me really happy, and in the evening I'm out for an extra nice birthday dinner with a friend (thank you Sofia!).
Why do I do this? Well, one day filled with the happy side of *being me* is lovely, and it lasts for a long time (even though perhaps not for a whole year ;-)
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